Urology Outpatients

UROLOGY OPD: SIX WEEKS POST RADICAL PROSTATECTOMY..

A Day in the Life.

I sat alone, a lonely drone;  Nurses , authority assured by masks of peppermint- green tissue paper,   bustled in and out .

At the portal, through which I will eventually be summoned there is a ribbon of lights scrolling in  sputum-green lettering “Every cigarette shortens your life…”..

 And somebody spoke and I went into a dream …

 I heard my name, with a sting of shame,

I realized I’d been staring.

Her eyes implied that I’d been spied, (another old man leering)

She led me through a swinging door

“Mr Knob will be here shortly,

I think you’ve seen him once before.

Looks Like Gollum, but more portly”.

I sensed the ice begin to thaw. I sensed

A presence at the door.

A little warty man strode in,

A shaving-cut adorned his chin.

 His tie showed signs of old rolled oats

He glared at me and thumbed my notes.

“It’s all good today” he said.

 “It won’t grow back before you’re dead,

at least, I’d say that’s my prediction,..the usual course of this affliction.

And then he was gone.

.

From there the story takes a swerve, it seems my plight had struck a nerve.

The angry nurse, by no means glamourous, abruptly changed and became quite amorous.

She turned and bent down to the fridge, a whiff of sardines filled the air.

She found a gladwrap covered plate while I endeavoured not to stare.

She‘d noticed that I looked dishevelled.

“There’s last night’s steak and kidney, (devilled)”

I’ll swear that cat began to purr.

 I stammered, . “Ma’am, I must demur,

You can’t have read my notes right through,

There’s really nothing I can do..

I’m doomed to live a life less rigid.”

My prostate’s  gone and left me frigid

( I may be a retired doc. ..but there’s no cure for a flaccid member, …

at least not one that I remember) 

I woke up then..with a yawn,(…or  a scream?)

It was just another lurid dream.

My sleep has not been at its best

…. Gabapentin does the rest